The Studio Truth

Can you stand it? Can I? When I say my studio has become a big mess and I can’t even walk through it without fearing I’ll trip and fall ... well, here’s the proof. It’s really bothering me so much, that I have no space in here to actually work. And now, more than ever, I’d really love to be at peace in here, making things. But now, more than ever, I am hideously tired much of the time, so that big clean-up won’t be happening.

I’m going to challenge myself to baby steps. Try to do a bit of clean-up every day. Maybe just a half an hour each day. And I’ll post my progress here, at my blog, under the heading "studio clean-up" in the right column. Wish me luck!

I am, by the way, quite bald now. I don’t have a photo yet ... it’s not exactly my favorite look! But I do have a wig! I am keeping with my tradition of taking my fuck cancer selfies in public rest rooms - don’t ask me why, because I do not know. Maybe because, oddly enough, the lighting can be flattering! So, here is me in my wig, in the bathroom at Washington Prime in Georgetown, CT - the lighting is an awesome warm color and makes me look rosy rather than pallid. LOL. 

IT NEEDS A TRIM, BUT I LIKE IT WELL ENOUGH.

My Favorite Eggplant Dish

Ingredients

• purple Japanese eggplant

• mozzarella

• small tomatoes

• one-two eggs, whisked

• Italian breadcrumbs

• basil - chopped fresh or dried

• olive oil

Note

You don't have to do all that salting and pressing that the big Italian eggplant seems to require. But, you will pay more for the Japanese eggplant.

I’ve mentioned my eggplant addiction before and several of you asked me to share my recipe. So, now is as good a time as any. It’s very easy, although there is a certain amount of effort required to do the prep work. Actually, that’s not necessarily true. It’s true for me because I make a lot of small helpings at once and then I eat one every day for as long as they last! 

Peel the eggplant and slice it. Make the slices about 3/4" thick. Dredge them in egg and Italian flavored breadcrumbs. Spread the slices on baking sheet and bake at 375 degrees for about 25 minutes.

While the eggplant slices bake, chop the tomatoes and the mozzarella. To assemble, put a few tablespoons of sauce in the bottom of the baking dish, then a slice of eggplant, then tomatoes, mozzarella, and more sauce. Sprinkle with basil. Repeat this layer and then, if you like mozzarella the way I do, add a lot of it to the very top of the dish. 

Note: I used to advise lining the baking dish with tin foil, for easy clean-up. Thanks to Julia’s comment (below) I no longer do that - and you shouldn’t either!

If you want to save the dish for later, add the lid and pop it in the fridge - or even the freezer. But, if you must have some right away, then cover with tin foil and bake at 375 degrees for about 50 minutes. 

It might look like a sloppy mess to you, but it is so delicious! If you make it, let me know how it turns out! One more thing - brush a wee bit of olive oil on the plate before adding the eggplant, once again for the sake of easier cleaning - that mozzarella can really stick to an untreated plate!

What Matters is the Journey

I am empowered. I am happy. I am at peace.

Not much bothers me these days. Worry, something which I’ve been so good at for most of my life, I now see as utterly pointless.  It’s a cliche, but it really does feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I embrace life as I never have before. This is not due to some rational thought process. I didn’t think, "Oh, I have cancer, I’d better enjoy life while I can." My euphoria is not the result of a conscious decision. It just happened, all of its own accord. It’s not on a time line and it’s not a matter of enjoying life until it ends. Life has nothing to do with beginning or ending. Life is now.

NEWS FLASH :: THESE FLOWERS HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED AS DIANTHUS DELTOIDES. THANK YOU, MISSY STEVENS - VISIT MISSY's WEBSITE TO SEE HER GORGEOUS "THREAD PAINTINGS." 

Suddenly, shamanism is everywhere. A friend lets me know she practices shamanism and offers to facilitate a journey for me, an offer which I gratefully accept. Another friend sends me an invitation to a shamanistic ritual taking place in town. The library offers an evening of drumming and shamanism. I think this is all synchronicity. 

Out of the blue, I decide to wear lipstick. I’ve never been a lipstick sort of girl, but now I decide I will wear lipstick for every day of my first six weeks of treatment. And not just any lipstick ... I decide to wear red lipstick. This small decision feels meaningful to me. Within days of making this decision, I receive an order from Amazon. I unpack the box, checking my four items against the receipt. But there is still one more item in the box. I didn’t order it and it’s not listed on the receipt. It’s a shiny new tube of very red lipstick. Synchronicity.

At the very beginning of this cancer trip, an incredibly beautiful hawk showed up in my daily activities. It first introduced itself to me by swooping above my car, just slightly to the left of the driver side, so I could easily see it as it accompanied me up the hill I take to reach home. I immediately recognized this bird as a manifestation of a spirit animal, or a spirit guide, and s/he has shown up on several occasions since that first day. 

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.  - Maya Angelou

When I awoke from my journey with the shaman, I was startled to see this odd branch in the woods. It was a message telling me my spirit guide, the one with the awesome wing span, had visited and left behind this image of her/himself. The hawk spirit guide is associated with intuition, victory, healing, nobility, recollection, cleansing, visionary power, and guardianship. Sounds good to me. 

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I THINK MY SPIRIT GUIDE VISITED MY WOODS ... 

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are.  - Rachel Naomi Remen

IT’S STILL MY OWN HAIR ...

That was then ...

It was the beginning of June and I was gathering textiles to use for embellishing some lovely little books. Each book is a different, bold color and I was searching through my stash for the right pieces of fabric to complement each colorway ... lavender, turquoise, green, red, and sunflower yellow. I also had a few bracelets and necklaces in the works, with beautiful beads and gorgeous hand-dyed silk carrier rods. I’m particularly fond of the turquoise colorway that I was putting together for a necklace. 

GROUPING COLORS ... I DO LOVE COLOR ...

I really enjoy this part of the process ... the gathering, and the color-love. I have so much to choose from ... necktie scraps from a huge bag which Doug brought home from Robert Talbott in California, strips of sari silk and recycled silk yarns from Frabjous Fibers, pieces of vintage clothing from many sources, vintage linens, ribbons, laces, and trims galore.

The general feeling around here is that I could hole away in my studio and it would be a at least a year before my various raw materials and supplies might start to thin out. But these projects have been hanging in limbo. I have not touched them.

The weather was fine and so was I (or so I thought). My two new knees had liberated me from my existence as a housebound hermit. "It’s like I have my life back," I’d say when asked how those knees were working out. I looked better than I had in years. How ironic.

WHEELS OF MY OWN AGAIN ...

After several years of sharing a car with Doug, I had wheels of my own again. As one friend said recently, "You were just getting back to being Morna and now this happens." 

It was the beginning of June and my world abruptly tilted on its axis ... I was diagnosed with lung cancer.

Stage Three. Inoperable. Lung cancer.

I think you can imagine the expletives that went tap-dancing through my mind. 

Oddly, my initial shock was very quickly followed by a prolonged state of euphoria. For many weeks, I was extraordinarily happy. Life was good, the world was a beautiful place, and I felt energized by what I can only describe as good vibrations. More about that some other time. 

HERE I AM ON JULY 16 ... ABOUT FIVE WEEKS POST-DIAGNOSIS ... I WAS HAPPY ... GO FIGURE ... 

Now it is mid-September. I’ve had radiation therapy five days per week for six weeks, plus chemotherapy one day per week during those same six weeks. Doug has driven me to Memorial Sloan Kettering more times than he wants to think about, and Adeline has taken me on the days when I get chemo, bless her heart. Now I am on a break - to recover and get strong for the next rounds of chemo, which will be the really horrid, lose all your hair ones. I can only hope it brings me some meaningful survival time. 

If this has all been TMI (Too Much Information), I apologize.

I just thought it was time to share with you, what it is that’s been happening here. 

Just a few more

Of course I neglected some of my favorite stitchers when I posted about mark makers on Wednesday. So, here are just a few additions - and I’m probably still forgetting somebody. If so, please forgive me! It’s not intentional.

Note: If you click on a picture, you will be taken to that artist’s website.

JUDY MARTIN

CLAIRE WELLESLEY SMITH

JUDE HILL

I love the Mark Makers ...

A line is a dot that went for a walk. -Paul Klee

I love the mark makers ... their obsessive-compulsive scratchings, their lines, their dots, their diagonals and cross-hatches. Their marks make little pathways for me to wander. Their colors take my breath away ... each time, I think: this is my favorite one.

Note: If you click on a picture, you will be taken to that artist’s website.

EMILY BARLETTA

CHRISTINE MAUERSBERGER

KATHRYN CLARK

SHANE DRINKWATER

DIANE AYOTT

PAUL KLEE

PATTI ROBERTS-PIZZUTO

SHANE DRINKWATER

MORNA C-M

I love to make marks, too. Once I start, it’s so impossible to know when to stop. So ... I won’t stop. I’ll just keep marking, cloth after cloth after cloth. 

Do not fail, as you go on, to draw something every day, for no matter how little it is, it will be well worth while, and it will do you a world of good.     -Cennino Cennini